Trolling is a great past time and a fun way to analyze people’s personalities. Coincidentally, Facebook is a wonderful place to do so. I will now analyze some trolling. To be fair, I used my awesome Paint skills to blot out faces and change names to be more fitting.
Herp started a status update claiming someone to not be their beau or something, which apparently means boyfriend. Derp quickly responds, outing herself as desperate, seen in example 1. In example 2, Herp laments on the problem her multiple male genitals cause by scaring Blarr, which will be his code for now, the fuck out. Derp then decide Blarr is her skype prostitute, further cementing her desperation, seen in example 3. Herp then complains about his hour long showers, which I got to agree with her about. One hour is far too fucking long and wasteful. I’m a cripple, I use around 15 minutes and I consider that long.
Anyway, another person enter the status commenting list and expresses his confusion about what a beau is, which is understandable.
BUT HOLD THE FUCK UP! SOME FUCKING JACKASS STARTED SOME SHIT HERE! Can be seen quite clearly in example 6, if you just move your gaze that-a-way.
Herp then proclaims her craving for yam and then helpfully points out what a beau is. Derp then proceeds to say that Blarr is a smelly motherfucker, which is good for her. And good gods, if she talks the way she types, she must be five years old mentally.
Oh, fuck, the jackass is starting some shit now. He’s correcting the mentally five year old woman. But let’s give her the benefit of doubt, hope that she’ll be rational and take it as the joke it is and take a look at point 2.
Oh, wait, no. She freaks the fuck out. Who’d have guessed? It’s not like it was obvious. At all. She then goes on a bitchfest about “you don’t rule the internet” to the jackass, which he doesn’t, but fail to think of that the same rules applies to him. He can type whatever the fuck he want, no matter how assholeish, so she shouldn’t complain. Of course, it’s completely lost on her.
Durr then decide to proclaim his love for babies. Must be Japanese or something. He also see someone named Naki.
Herp shows her sexism by telling all the guys to shut the fuck up in point 4. And because I was too lazy, Durr showing he loves Herp in addition to babies is also point 4. Fuck you.
Herp proceeds to completely lose all her grammatical abilities, followed by Durr rambling.
Derp then shows herself to be oh so innocent by offering to fuck them both. Because we all know it’s just sooooo KYOOT to act like a two-cent whore.
Part 1 to 3 is them all acting like whores.
OH FUCK THE JACKASS IS BACK! HOLD YOUR FUCKING HORSES GUYS! But now it really starts to get good, as Durr wants to act heroic in front of the bitches. He starts rambling about how you shouldn’t be that pathetic, when he’s done similar stuff before without even a hint of remorse to this day, and he ‘knows’ the jackass isn’t like that, deep down. Obviously, fucker don’t know him good enough.
At least the jackass is being honest, but still an asshole.
Oop! Durr is trying to act big again, saying that’s not REALLY what he means and something about being hypocritical! While it falls through even at the beginning if you only vaguely know him, the point where it would fall through for everyone is at the part he uses ‘bro’ and proclaim that they’re all friends here. Obviously, jackass isn’t exactly friendly, so his theory is already shot down before he presented it.
Jackass fuels the fire by rightfully asking asking how long he’s been friends with Derp and how soon can he stop.
Now, I honestly must say I got no fucking clue what Durr is talking about in the second point. Might be because I out of principles never go on fourchan. Durr also uses a hipster-level insult by claiming jackass to be “too cool and edgy”. All he needed to add was “I liked you before you got cool” to make it complete.
Herp then rise to the bait in anger and tells jackass he’s basically being a jackass. He then agrees by saying he does it because he’s good at it. At least good enough to antagonize them. Herp proceeds to claim him to be something he never said he was, out of self-righteous fury! Jackass then outs himself as a troll, showing his sadness over how they apparently do not realize a troll is in their midst. Aaaaaaand Durr makes a complete fool of himself by acting like a juvenile idiot. Way to go, big man.
We immediately start off our new image by Herp clearly ignorant of what a troll actually is.
BUT HOLD THE FUCK ON! BLARR IS HERE NOW! And…he for once responds in a somewhat rational manner, only taking the grammar bait and not making too much of a deal of it. Most of his post is just as self-righteous as Herp’s post, but at least he’s not attacking anyone. Durr also shows he needs others to speak for him since he himself got the mental capabilities of a carrot. He didn’t say that directly, but I’m taking artistic freedom on that one.
Jackass then spouts some moral bullshit. It’s not really important, but read it if you want.
Durr is being ignorant again. Big surprise.
Durr is now also known as Kata and Jackass as Richard. And Blarr is doing the only rational move so far and asking, nicely, if they can stop! Why the fuck didn’t any of the other idiots think of this before? We might never know.
Trolling successful. Herp acknowledges it by stating she might as well delete the whole thing because she obviously can’t manage to stop it otherwise, like by, oh I don’t know, asking nicely instead of ranting? Naaaaaw.
And the troll also acknowledges the fact his trolling is successful by being a jackass.
The smiley is artistic representation of a friend of mine’s reaction to this whole clusterfuck.
